Keren's Blog

When we feel comfortable with our partner the spark just sparks!
Monday, Mar 4, 2013 5:19 pm
When we feel comfortable with our partner the spark just sparks!

I'm continuing talking about relationship breakdowns - when the spark has gone!

We don’t even notice that the spark has gone until we get some time with our partner and find ourselves with someone we have nothing to say to and we aren’t sure we fancy any more!

Have you talked to each other about this?

First thing is to sit down and tell your partner your concerns. It may be an uncomfortable conversation as you’ll both have to confront your anxieties, hopes, desires and disappointments but it will lead you to a much better place

Choose a moment when you have plenty of time.

Wait for a day when neither of you are feeling stressed.

Don’t start by telling them why you think the spark has gone. Begin by pointing out the things you love about them.

Tell them you want to enjoy them for who they are and for them to enjoy it, too. Explain that, you’ve probably forgotten what each of you likes doing.

Do this:

1.One of the patterns couples often adopt is keeping conversations bland so  there are no disagreements. This can stifle our thinking and healthy debate. Agree with each other that it’s alright to have different opinions that there doesn’t have to be a ‘winner’. Be genuinely open with and interested in each other. If you’re not competing, the conversation becomes stimulating and enriching.

2. Go out and do something together. whatever you both enjoy.

3. Take it in turns to take each other out as if you were dating.

4. Even if you stay in, do something special.  Agree that you will each do something for the other, ideally weekly.

5. Really important. Have some sex! This is one area of life that often gets neglected when we have children or we are  focused on our work

Find time to re-kindle that part of your relationship.

When we have a good physical relationship with our partner we find that conversation flows if we want it to, and, when it doesn’t, that’s just fine - when we feel comfortable with our partner the spark just sparks!

 

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